Due to an issue that seems to have no resolution, this blog about a girl being trained is….well, there is no longer training. So, please visit Thoughts of a girl, as that will be the on going thoughts of the one some would call submissive, some slave, some bottom; semantics.
The new blog is:
Some people expect all or nothing, yet give nothing in return. That is not Dominance, that is just pure selfishness.
Yet to expect forthrightness, consideration and the like is considered boring.
When you give nothing and keep everything to yourself, you have something to hide or you are purely a selfish person.
Some people deserve much more and much better than that. Especially when they are giving, giving of themselves for the other completely.
More to come………..
He has allowed me to write here, my thoughts and feelings. There are so many as we move along this journey together. He has shared many of his expectations with me but two keep coming to the forefront. Obedience and pleasing. But then, being obedient is pleasing is it not?
We will get some time together tomorrow. He has talked about some of the training he will introduce me to at that time. My stomach is in knots and butterflies. The knots due to my nerves, knowing what he plans; The butterflies of excitement for what he plans.
They are conflicting emotions really. The nervousness or even fear as I know he will push my comfort zones. He will not abuse his power, but he will push me to meet his expectations. He will use pain and pleasure. Pain for his pleasure and in pleasing him this way, I in turn will find pleasure. It is a thought that seems so simple, yet in reality, it doesn’t seem so simple for anyone that hasn’t experienced this dynamic nor someone that does not understand it.
I fear the pain, because I am not what some would call a pain slut. I will endure the pain to please him. I will endure things for him that I wouldn’t for any other man. I will do this because it is for him that I aim to please and serve.
I am very nervous about tomorrow. Yet I am anxious and excited because I know that I will find joy in his eyes and actions.
I am nervous about making sure to do as he wants. Will I remember every rule, every nuance that he expects. He tells me not to worry, yet how can I not? I think every slave worries about pleasing and moreover, fears not pleasing. Punishment will be brought down, punishment will be asked for by the slave that does error. It really is the only way to get past those errors, punishment, forgiveness then move forward.
My thoughts are probably rambling and not in any order as there are so many that swirl through my mind. The need to please and the fear of failing in that. The fear of punishment even though that punishment will be due and required. Although I will strive to please him so well there is no need for punishment, I am human and at some point will error somehow.
I must also admit that I fear whether I am ready for this or not. Natural fear I assume, because I have that need to please him, but to what depths can I? I have no doubt he will take my submission further than it has been before. That unkown feeling, that unknown arena can cause a fear and worry of whether or not I can.
To this point, things have had such a natural rhythm between us. There has all ready been pain surging through my flesh for him at his hand. There has been the obedient slave and it has been so natural. Scary at points yes, but the actuality of it just happening seemlessly.
Tomorrow…..scares me…..excites me….scares me……yet the answer is simple, obey and please.
Tonight he asked me “Where is the fear? Is it in more than just how much I might want from you?”
My fear is in some of the things we will experience together tomorrow. An enema, held in while accepting his pain, what if I cannot hold it in? The knife that instills fear, what if I flinch the wrong way……….
The fear of giving of myself so freely, so obediently without question, in learning how to please him, handing over that trust to him, trusting he won’t push farther than I can handle……..
Although I have been around D/s for years, he has been longer and had much more experience……can I get to the level, to the point that he needs?
I fear the whole encompassing dynamic, yet I know I will strive to obey and please him with all that I am. Perhaps I worry whether it will be enough? I blame that fear on my past, giving all to someone only to have it end.
He will train me how to use my mouth for his pleasure. He will teach me how to taste him, to lick him, to suck him in the way that is his way…..to never hesitate when he wants my mouth…his object, his toy……I want to learn what he wants me to learn, to taste and swallow everything that comes from his cock.
He mentioned whether I have noticed I have very little ability to resist him compared to when we first met……..how true that is…….and tomorrow……I will be his willing slave, ready for his pain and pleasure.
Michael’s slave
To be continued….
So starts this new journey with Him.
But before there was Him, there was this girl, a slave, busy with life and a child, work, sports, homework, housework, never ending things occupying her time. So she was not looking for a Man for a relationship. Just going along her merry way until she received an email one day. His words couldn’t help but intrigue her. Being submissive she was polite and responded to each email respectfully declining those interested, until Him.
His words were succinct and to the point. He didn’t want a brat to tame. He was looking for a woman who knew that pleasing a Man is pleasure. And so began our banter back and forth via email.
He remained very up front and from all she could tell, honest. We all know how important honesty is so that we can learn with each other, grow with each other. Integrity, such a rare find it seems, yet here before her was a Man that seemed to have that and so much more. He knew what he wanted, and somehow, exactly how to get it….before she realized it, their conversations left her wanting more.
He described how he trains a girl using humility. How sexuality can be a tool and implement in training. She responded with non sexual ways to train and he weighed her words instead of pounding his chest “my way or the highway”. Now with that said, he is the decision maker in the end, but at least he listens and then does as is his will.
There is so much more that can be said, but this would end up being a book instead of an intro to us. We met face to face after talking for a month; the chemistry was palpable. His eyes mesmerizing, his voice distinct and his control…….undeniable. The moment she knew that she would serve this Man, was the night they met. Sitting together having a wonderful conversation, open, honest and forthright about expectations, wants, needs. Then his hand encircled her wrist with authority….reaction surged through her veins as her breath caught in her chest.
That night, this journey you read about here began. She became, Michael’s slave.
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